I think I found hell.

I think I found hell
I found it in myself
I’m drowning in an ocean
of charcoal black emotions.

I’m locked up in a cell
Tried to escape but I fell
Now my heart is all frozen
The terror seems closer.

I think I found hell
I found it in myself
I’m drowning in an ocean
of charcoal black emotions.

I bleed and never tell
Fake a smile, act so well
The fire keeps getting vicious
Burning up everything precious.

I think I found hell
I found it in myself
I’m drowning in an ocean
of charcoal black emotions.

Oblivion.

A cigarette in hand, pen in another. A love which was lost, left it’s scars behind. Tears flowing down, as softly as the ink flows down the page. Sitting in an empty room with a burning candle. Surrounded by shadows and ghosts from the past. These bones are now worn out from carrying the burden of this fatuous existence. There’s silence, chaos and violence but it’s all locked within. Caged like the heart. This soul is riven in pieces. It’s slowly closing it’s lifeless eyes in the arms of desolation. Slowly losing itself in the mist of time.

Slowly losing itself in oblivion.

Friend please don’t leave.

Friend please don’t leave,
The clouds will disappear
And once again, the light will rise anew.

Friend please don’t leave,
Let’s walk this road together,
The winds will change for me and you.

Friend please don’t leave,
I know the storm is raging within
And you feel the entire world falling apart.

Friend please don’t leave,
I’ll hold your hand and walk with you
through the dark.

I know this face must seem unknown,
But we’ve been walking in the fire,
wearing the same shoes.

I know this voice must sound unfamiliar,
But I’ve lived in between the shadows,
And tasted the blues.

Friend please don’t leave,
Stay a while and the rest you seek
will someday be true.

Friend please don’t leave,
Let’s walk this road together,
The winds will change for me and you.

Dreamworld.

I don’t want any part of your world
Just let me have some of my own
Let me decorate it with happiness
And water the roses I’ve grown
Leave my little world alone
Don’t corrupt it with your hatred
Don’t touch it with your sinful hands, it’s sacred
Your world for me was so dreadful
It killed my heart, so I got separated
And created this peaceful palace
Where I can shed my layers and walk naked
Here I don’t need to hide from judgemental eyes
Here, there’s only purity and no whirlpool of lies
Here there’s pink skies and the rainbow shines
Radiant horizon and even brighter smiles
Kindness lives freely and honesty never dies
There’s no caste, no creed, no rich or poor
Here everyone lives in harmony
There’s no hate, no jealously, no harshness or cruelty
Just a breeze of peacefulness and serenity
Here everyone’s an artist in their heart
Spreading joy is their one true purpose
Everyone appreciates each other genuinely
And nobody is treated as worthless
I know this world isn’t real
It’s just a world of my make-believe
But I like staying here in this fairytale
Even if it’s all just a hopeless dream.

I don’t like talking sometimes.

I don’t like talking sometimes. Like not speaking anything at all. Quiet like a tree when the breeze is still. Quiet like a mannequin in a showroom. The silence feels peaceful. Silence outside, and within. Mind at rest from constantly forming words, from bursting out ideas, at rest from all the good-humoured, nonchalant, anxious, heartbreaking or heartfelt conversations. At rest from just thinking too much.

I don’t like talking sometimes. It feels peaceful. It’s like blending into your surroundings. Some parts dissolving in the walls, some in the ceiling, some floating with the clouds above and some drowning in depths of the lake. It’s like being present but disappearing at the same time. Quietly submerging in tranquility. Just letting the tongue sleep and the calmness sedate me. I believe if silence was a language, then it would be the most delightfully
captivating.

It would be a language of the heart.

Happy Friendship Day (A poem I wrote for my friends)

I don’t know how this will go
I’ve never written a poem like this before
A poem on friendship, a poem for friends
I’ve never really had friends as pure as raindrops before
Only a few clouds who went along with time
Friends that were never really mine
I was the world’s lonely child
Sleepless nights, at nights I cried
The love for wanting to be loved died
Beside, who need friends?
Such a lie I told myself
But my chest ached for a true friend
Hand me a hand or hand me my end
Until one day the sun shined
I saw the rainbow, I was no longer blind
There were four beautiful colours
Smiling such a pretty smile
I felt life glowing in me for a while
From that day till now I swear
It feels like a dream or a movie
Moments sweeter than cotton candies
Memories prettier than the rarest black rose
Memories I’ll always hold close
I wish time just froze
And we could just get stuck in this moment for eternity
Wish we could hold hands and walk through parks till infinity
I use to wake up wanting the day to end
Now I wake up wishing the day never ends
From hi, hello, handshakes, okay bye
To sharing tiffins, to hugs, to never wanting to say goodbye
My skies just brightens when you all call me such nice things
Things I would smile upon all day,
Things that make the hurt go away
Too many feelings, I even lack the words to say
I won’t even open my eyes, if I don’t see you all everyday
I don’t need Gods to pray,
If there are angels in my life to stay
I know there are hands to hold me
To catch me if I fall
I promise I’ll be there for you
All it takes is just one call
I don’t need friendship day or Valentines
To tell how much I love you all
These words are all I have, but even they can’t describe my love
That’s how much I love you all.

Endeavour.

Got better at rhyming words
But still can’t truly express my hurt
Still can’t love myself but
want others to see my worth.

Got better at being alone
But still afraid of an empty home
Still searching for a hand to hold
that keeps me safe when I roam.

Got better at letting things go
But still afraid of losing control
Still carrying parts of the past in my soul
Even though, I can’t bring back the smile it stole.

Bliss.

She gently kept her head on my shoulder
And suddenly, all my wounds were healed
The warm blissfulness of the feeling
that this wandering heart could be
someone’s home, made me
smile endlessly.

From sunrise till twilight.

“Hey, Lisa”
“Hey, William”

I haven’t seen you in a while,” he said looking in her eyes.

Yeah, last few days have been crazy. There was a friend’s birthday party, then we had a sleepover. Got drunk and slept for like 20 hours,” she said excitedly, delving into nostalgia already.

William smiled along. “Sounds great.”

What have you been upto?” Lisa asked while they sat on the park bench. Their usual meeting place.

Ah, nothing much,” he replied hesitantly, knowing how utterly boring he must sound. “Just watched some movies and wrote as usual.”

I wanna hear it,” Lisa said.

William looked down. “Na it’s just rubbish. It’s not even the final draft. Forget it”

C’mon William, you know I’m a fan of your poetry.”

He hesitated a bit. “Alright,” he said while taking out a diary from his backpack which he carried around everywhere. An odd yet old habit.
Here it goes..”

From sunrise till twilight
Eyes wide awake, searching for the sight
The sight of her, a dream of love
A smile as pure as a drop of rain from above
Sent into my world
At times she doesn’t feel real
Just a figment of my words
But then she meets me in the garden
Amidst the falling leaves and the gentle breeze
A beautiful bond like Adam and Eve
Time just freeze when I’m with her
Wishing the moment never wither
So we could stay there till infinity
Covered in sunlight and white lilies
Gently forgetting ourselves in each other
Like two pretty shades of radiant colours
Painting the marvelous horizon
But the day ends and she walks back
In her own little world
And all my little heart can do
Is wait and ache, and wait and ache
With eyes wide awake
searching for her sight
From sunrise till twilight.”

Lisa sighed with amazement.
“This is beyond incredible. I love it.”

William blushed.

So who’s this girl, huh?” Lisa asked jokingly.
I know it’s definitely for someone. “

No, it’s not. It’s just romantic imagination you know..and I won’t tell you anyway,” he said, mocking her back.

Fine, don’t tell me,” Lisa said rolling her eyes. “Well, whoever she is, she sounds gorgeous.”

William smiled again, his heart racing.

Yeah, she is,” he whispered under his breath.

Make a better world with your presence.

We don’t always get what we deserve
Life isn’t a straight road, it’s full of curves
But it doesn’t mean you have to drink the chaos
And let the venom run through your nerves
There’s always a yin to a yang
There’s always light to conquer the darkness
Always a choice to open the door to negativity
Or let it stand outside in the winter coldness
Our mindset affect our actions
Our actions affect our emotions
If we correct our mindset first
Only then we can heal what’s broken
Don’t let your dark thoughts manipulate you
Into projecting fears that aren’t even true
Stop doubting your own skills and strength
And wishing to turn into something entirely new
Rather work on yourself and build courage
To accept your flaws and imperfections
That’s when you’ll improve your perception
That’s when you’ll move in a better direction
Surround yourself with good people
Love them with all your heart
And don’t hesitate to tell
the toxic ones to move apart
All they’ll do is stand in your way
like a wall and wish for your downfall
Your uniqueness is your power
Your individuality is your strength
Express kindness and acceptance
And make a better world with your presence.