I find it so easy to lose myself. To slip in and out of existence. I watch a lot of movies. Too engrossed in the stories emerging before my eyes. My eyes which were dull, they see this window portraying life I’ve so long craved. I read a lot of books. Words full of meaning, chapters full of mysteries and emotions. I see myself as the characters. I think what they think, I feel what they feel. It’s so easy to lose myself in the world of fiction. I often wonder why. Maybe I don’t like my reality. Maybe what I want is to live as those characters. They’re so alive, so free. My mind wanders in ecstasy, yet my soul feels trapped in agony. When fantasy is too irresistible, is it ever possible to go back to reality? The stories are all stored in my heart. Through them I see my black and white world finally in colours. I can’t resist myself from following the rabbit. From going down the rabbit hole. To enter a new Wonderland. I don’t fear that euphoric fall, I embrace it. What I fear is that, once I reach the abyss of fabrication, I will no longer be a part of this world I see before my eyes. And maybe, deep down in my heart, that’s exactly what I crave
To be lost in a world of fantasy
And never be found
Some people are born invisible. They walk the streets, unnoticed, unheard, unseen. To the world they’re like clouds, just passing and roaming over their heads. They become lost. Lost in a hidden realm. Lost and never found.
Some people break their own hearts. Just like they break the mirrors in their house to avoid looking at themselves. They can’t even bear to see their own shadows. They become their own worst enemies. Cause that’s all the world taught them. They were hated so much that they started hating themselves.
Some people crave love. Beg for it. Die for it. But never get it. Never reach it. Love abandons them. Loneliness becomes their only beloved. It kisses their lips, enters their breath, spread across their veins and kills them slowly.
Some people die before death. Their feelings fade away like dust. The light in their eyes diminish. Their heart beats so lightly that it’s almost silent. They don’t want anything, they don’t love anything, they don’t hate anything. They just exist, like a lifeless statue.
Some people never live.
Everybody needs somebody sometimes. No matter how strong you are physically or emotionally, a shoulder to keep your head on always feels like heaven. A hand to hold on to, always makes you feel loved. Ears to listen to your trembling voice. Eyes to see your damaged parts. A heart which understands your heartache and shares your sorrows. Someone who walks beside you so that you don’t have to walk down the path full of thorns alone. No matter how afraid you are to allow someone to see you honestly, you have to let your walls down for them. Cause the truth is, everybody needs somebody sometimes.
I’m a kite with a broken string
floating around in rain and haze
crashing into street lights and tree branches
torn from every edge, left in the jarring storm
alone and misplaced by the heartless lovers
who’ll be swift to replace my place
And like depleted memories
I’ll break ties with existence,
soon faded and erased.
Like the pearls at the bottom of the oceans
I keep my ever occurring emotions,
deep down in depth,
hidden within myself.
Like the water flowing down the drain
Agony runs through my veins,
slowly taking my breaths,
turning me into a hollow shell.
Like the horrifying nightmares
Panic descends me in despair,
hope drowning in an ocean of death,
leaving me to suffer in this everlasting hell.
Sometimes it’s difficult to explain
What’s going on in your head
Sometimes it just feels better
To take the day off and lay on your bed
Cause some days you’re so mentally exhausted
From everything that’s going inside you
And everything that surrounds you
That you just need a break to relax yourself
And I believe that’s perfectly fine
To give yourself some time, without feeling
guilty cause it’s not a crime
I understand you had a meeting or a party night
But it can be avoided, right?
Sometimes you just need to be alone
Turn off the lights and switch off your phone
Throwing away all the worries and problems
When you’re mentally ready you’ll
automatically solve them
Yes, human beings need to recharge as well
You gotta take care of yourself
And do the things that you like to do
Like sitting in a quiet room, reading your favourite book
Or eating ice cream while watching a comedy show
Letting your happiness grow
Always remember, you’re important as well
It’s good to take rest when you’ve been running for a while
It’s a wonderful thing to make others happy
But my friend, don’t forget to make yourself smile.
And it’s fine if today you got thorns and scars. For tomorrow you may get a thousand roses. It’s fine if today you broke and fell like a decayed leave. For tomorrow you may grow into a beautiful autumn tree. No matter how awful today seems, don’t forget that there will always be another tomorrow.
Don’t say it.
Don’t say it.
His thoughts were playing seesaw in his mind. His hands were sweaty and his hair completely messed up. There’s a girl he loves. He dreams about her, even with his eyes open. Butterflies in his stomach and panic on his tongue.
Should he tell her or let it go?
What if she doesn’t love him back
What if he’s just not good enough for her?
What if she’s in love with someone else?
What if this? What if that?
Caught between two choices.
He got an idea. He took out a coin from his wallet and decided to flip it.
Heads : He’ll tell her he loves her.
Tails : He’ll kill the love in his heart while it’s young.
He took a deep breath and flipped the coin. The coin flew in the air. Rotating his whole world like the earth.
The coin fell, slipping from his hands, rolling down the street, down into the nearby drain.
It was gone.
The wind grew silent.
The boy sighed
Then he smiled
cause it no longer mattered which side
the coin landed on
While the coin was in the air,
he already chose his side
deep down in his heart
he wanted it to be
I want to drive into the sunset
I want a lover with a warm heart
I want a cigarette that never goes cold
I want to begin my life from the start
I want to sing old songs by the campfire
I want to taste the falling rain
I want to catch snowflakes in the winter
I want to feel alive again
I want to roam around the city
I want to smile at strangers
I want to drink champagne from the bottle
I want to walk fearless through the dangers
I want to paint a masterpiece
I want to build sandcastles by the seashore
I want to sleep under the blanket of stars
I want to fall in love with life once more.
And a memory flickered,
reminding me how much you loved the rain.
How your eyes would shimmer when you saw those pearls dropping from the sky, quenching the thirst of the land.
How you danced in the rain, so innocently, so happily, like a child, unaware of life’s miseries.
Even the rainbow seemed dull compared to the beautiful smile on your lips.
In that moment, time would just stop and the whole world just disappear for me. All I could see were you.
Dancing like a peacock with it’s marvelous feathers spread across the universe.
Now it’s raining outside, and I’m sitting here alone, wondering about you. Wondering what would you be doing at this moment. Probably dancing outside your house, letting rain kiss your skin.
I let my hand out the window, closing my eyes as the raindrops touch my palm.
And it feels like time has reversed and, for a moment, I’m with you and you’re with me, once again.